DEAR FRIENDS- The catchy image of the "elephant in the room" describes a dominant reality that is right in front of us yet remains unseen and unacknowledged. I write to you today to help you wake you up and gaze upon the biggest "elephant in the room" of all. The "inner influence" that for many of us remains invisible, and yet crowds out more of our love, happiness and aliveness than all of our other problems combined.
Because it IS the primal problem!
You can try to get around it. The Elephant is too big. You can try to rise above it. The Elephant is too tall. You can try to stay focussed on positive thoughts as you inch toward the exit. But The Elephant is blocking the door.
My friends, that Elephant is a real Mother. And Father.......
Simply put the truth we are all avoiding is this: Everyone in the world is carrying some unresolved pain- anger, hurt, guilt, shame, fear, sadness, disappointment- from problems in their relationships with their Mom and Dad.
And most of this pain and conflict is unconscious!
This "elephant" is so central to how we respond to life, that to cast off the haunting dream of our childhoods and see the reality of ourselves, other people and the world around us WE HAVE TO OPEN OUR EYES AND RECOGNIZE IT.
In my decades of daily inner observation- through Zen meditation, yoga and the Core/Bioenergetic work that is specifically designed to awaken us to what we carry unconsciously- I have concluded that people are unaware of 90% of what they think and feel.
And this leads to the sobering but liberating truth that as long as our thoughts, feelings and attitudes are being driven by our unconscious conditioning, we can never fully be "in the moment" and free. No matter how much we meditate, pray and strive to keep our thoughts and attitudes positive, our unconscious mind will somehow color what we experience and highly influence- or even dictate!- our behavior.
And if you think that you are the exception to this rule it simply means that you are still asleep!
The pain and struggle we carry from the past is the biggest limitation on how free and happy we can be. If our work on ourselves is going to do more than help us cope with life and feel a little better- if we are ever going to break through and be radically alive and free- we must make the unconscious conflicts we carry conscious.
And utterly resolve them!
"Transference" is the term used to describe how what we experienced with Mom and Dad gets triggered and relived over and over again as we go through life. For example, we may be furious or humiliated at a remark made by a colleague or friend- never realizing that most of the emotional intensity we feel is fueled from the unhealed humiliations we suffered during childhood!
Or we may feel betrayed or abandoned by our friend, our lover- or by Life itself. And never realize that things are not quite what they seem, because we are reacting to the events of the present through the distorted "lens" of our past.
This is a problem that everybody in the entire world has- and few even know that they do. People have no idea that their lives- and relationships- are being distorted and damaged by their Mom and Dad "buttons". Literally, everything from ruined relationships to world wars is caused by "triggers"- distorted thinking and emotional reactivity- left over from our upbringing.
Wherever there is conflict and misunderstanding- from the bedroom to the boardroom, from intimate relations to strife between nations- the problem is worsened OR EVEN ENTIRELY CREATED by the unconscious transference being triggered in the people involved.
I have come to believe that unconditionally loving ourselves- and each other- is simply not possible so long as we are unconsciously seeing and reacting to Mom and Dad rather than the person right in front of us. Especially the one facing us in the mirror!
I passionately encourage you to love yourself, turn within and kick your "buttons" out of your reactions, out of your relationships and out of your life. Forever!
With the greatest compassion for yourself, the willingness to know the truth about your life and an unstoppable determination to be free- YOU CAN AND YOU WILL DO IT!
It's high time that the space inside you is wide open and free to be filled with all your love, happiness and aliveness! And no room for "the elephant"! LOTS OF LOVE- BRYAN