Jenna doesn'tknowanymore

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im sick of waking up in the morning hating myself. Some days i do some i don't but i know im not happy. I have so many great things in life i should be happy with.. but i am bruised at heart. My whole life i grew up watching my dad treat my mom the way she never deserved. My mom is such an amazing person,.. i hate that i cant be more like her and that i have the abusive side part of me. Ive tried getting help to learn to control my feelings when im upset.. i lash out and say things i dont mean and then beat myself up for them for ever after. Ive been through so much the last couple yrs with close ppl in my life that it seems when i think i'm over stuff im really not. Because its those things that come up and take over when i'm upset. I'm about to lose everything i worked for, i dont know what to do anymore, how can i control myself