Who are you? Part 2
By Alethia Hallador
Published on 11/4/2009
Ok, so you've asked who you are. But you don't quite know the answer. That's perfectly OK. But one thing is for sure. Someone else CANNOT tell you who you are!!

Ok, so you've asked who you are.  But you don't quite know the answer.  That's perfectly OK.  But one thing is for sure.  Someone else CANNOT know who you are!!  So, why do you rely on what other people say about you (or that you guess they think about you) to determine who you are?  Besides, you are just guessing what they mean when they say something to you.  It is your own projection based on your past experience of similar situations.  It is all from your memory.  If somebody is rude, it is likely they are having a bad day and it has nothing to do with you.  You just got in their way.  I know that when I out!!  Stay out of the line of fire!  But it has nothing to do with the other person.  Its just me, and the surge of hormones rushing through my body. 

Is there a certain co-worker that seems to belittle you or be condescending given the opportunity?  Do you hear what they have said about you through office gossip?  Maybe you have an over critical spouse that is constantly nit-picking.  These situations can cause emotions to well up anger, frustration, sadness, fear...

How do you react?  Do you lash out and speaking the retaliatory thoughts in your mind?  Or do you keep the thoughts it inside and let the poisonous emotions affect every cell in your body?  Either way, you are allowing someone else to determine who you are.  You believe what they say.  You would NOT react if you thought what they said was completely false.  For example, if somebody said to you "I dislike you because you have blue skin" you would either burst out into a full belly laugh, back away slowly, or pretend to take a phone call while dialing 9-1-1 to alert them of the mental patient that's on the loose.  Now, somebody says that they dislike you because you are stupid.  This time, you feel a negative internal sensation of the need to defend yourself.  But, if you know its false, as in the case with blue skin, you would not feel the need to defend yourself.  If you react, you are allowing somebody else to tell you who you are.  Part of you believes what they say.

Why do you absorb something that is said to you and take it to be truth?   Unfortunately, the reason is that you have been conditioned to think these things about yourself from a young age.  So was I.  What happened before is in the past.  What we can change is our possible future.

So, how can we begin to change our minds about ourselves?  I want you to stop poisoning yourself with your reaction.  Begin by shifting your perspective.  Consider this...

How can someone else begin to know who you are?  They pick out a few salient characteristics about you and decide what to focus on depending on their mood, attitude, perspective, upbringing, neurology, hormones, and what they ate that day etc.  How can anybody even begin to tell you who you are?  How can they even guess?  They cannot know anything!!  They cannot read your mind.  They are not a fly on the wall.  You are not on reality TV.  They CANNOT know more about you than you know yourself!  A person can only say what is inside herself.  So, in reality, the other person is only talking about don't need to concern yourself about it.  If you react to what other people say about you then you don't know only THINK that you know. 

In truth, you are as deep as the ocean and as vast as the Universe itself.  Don't let others tell you who you are because they cannot.  Start looking inward and find out who you are underneath all the accumulated layers.  Stop adding more to the pile by taking on what others say.  Nobody can be an expert on you.  Only you can be an expert on you.  Allow this insight to sink into you deeply so that you stop giving your power away to others.  Start looking inward.  Determine who you are inside, for yourself, so you can choose what to listen to from the outside.  You are on your way!!