At that point I knew I had to call a counselor. The next morning I called and made an appointment. I had no intentions of going more than once or twice. I didn't think I needed it and yet at the same time I knew that if I didn't get help I was not going to get any better.
The day of my first appointment I so wanted to call and cancel. I did not want to believe that I was needing it. I sat in the waiting room and I waited for my counselor to call me back. As I thought about what had happened the week before and I knew that I needed to be there.
I was called back into this room. It was small and had a desk and a nice leather couch and a side table. It was very comfortable and I felt safe there. My counselor came in behind me and she was very kind. I was glad that I felt comfortable. I wasn't sure what I was going to talk about but I was sure that I could.
I began to talk to her about the things that had been happening in the recent weeks that caused me to go over the edge. I told her about my parents divorcing and the stress it caused me to go through. I hated that my parents wouldn't even try to work things out. My dad remarried and my mom moved in with her fiance. My dad and his wife were treating me with a lot of disrespect. I hated visiting my dads house. Still do. He and his wife would invite us over and we would somewhat enjoy our stay and then the next day my Dad would call me and tell me all the things I had done wrong that his wife didn't approve of. It became a chore to go to my dads house. I no longer wanted to visit because I knew what would happen if I did.
Having my daughters Birthday party only reminded me of the stress and put me into a deep depression. Obviously this was not the only thing that caused my depression it just put me at rock bottom.
I knew then that I had a lot to talk about. I began to release information that I had no intention of giving and I felt much better after the first session. I didn't think I would feel as good as I did after that. I was glad that I had gone. I felt a Hope that I didn't know existed and it felt good.
If only it would have lasted longer......