Published on 04/27/2013
Pleasure and love are the medicines we all need. And the open-hearted joy of sex is the sweet combination of both! Being pleasure-oriented in general, and loving and embracing our sexual feelings in particular, keeps us "turned on"- glowing, happy and excited by life.

DEAR FRIENDS-  In the life-affirming perspective of Bioenergetic/Core Energetic therapy, bodily pleasure is the engine of life. Sensual and emotional gratification- good feelings!- raises our spirits, releases our tensions and makes us glad to be alive. We are, in our core, pleasure-oriented and life-loving animals.

And since pleasure feeds the fire of life it is no sin. Indeed it is a sacred and life-giving force!

Pleasure and love are the medicines we all need. And the open-hearted joy of sex is the sweet combination of both! Being pleasure-oriented in general, and loving and embracing our sexual feelings in particular, keeps us "turned on"- glowing, happy and excited by life. But sadly, many people don't get the wealth of nurturing pleasure and sexual satisfaction they need to flourish- spiritually, emotionally and physically.

There are many reasons for this. A major one is that we are trained to be ego/achievement oriented rather than body/pleasure centered. Most people value what they have and what they can do far more than who they are and what they feel. But we cannot fully relax, let go and BE- savoring the good feelings we need- if we are chronically tense from too much striving and "doing".

Another reason why many people don't get enough life-affirming pleasure is that they subconsciously feel that they don't feel they deserve it! There are multiple reasons for this. For example, the denial of important emotional and instinctual needs during childhood makes us feel that we aren't worthy of getting what we want. Impressionable children- and we adults- are also influenced by body/self-denying religious and cultural attitudes.

So many of us believe that pleasure must be earned- that we don't have the unconditional right to feel good. But since good feelings are essential for the health of our bodies and the strength of our spirits this widely-held attitude is madness!

But the most important factor that creates a lack of deep pleasure in life is rarely discussed or made conscious. It involves how we are conditioned- by our families, social norms and culture- to "numb" and suppress the full experience of our feelings. Through guilt and shame we are taught that our natural anger and sadness, our longing for love and closeness, our lively and boisterous excitement are "wrong" or "too much". And our early, completely natural and innocent sexual feelings- which arise between the ages of 3-6- are the most misunderstood and judged of them all.

The inevitable outcome is that we tense up and block full emotional contact with our own bodies and spirits- thereby becoming less alive and responsive than we were when we were born. For a compelling proof of this, observe how wide open, bright and shining the eyes of young children are. Then compare their spontaneity and aliveness to the more guarded and "dulled" look in the eyes of adults on any street in the world. Young children- before they shut down emotionally- are full of the excitement and pleasure of simply being alive.

We were all once exactly like them. And we can be again!

How do we reclaim the open-hearted, full-bodied joyfulness we had as children? Simply put, WE NEED TO BE EMOTIONALLY AND SPIRITUALLY REBORN BY REVERSING THE PROCESS OF EMOTIONAL AND SEXUAL SUPPRESSION. The more we can trust and surrender to the emotional energy in our bodies- expressing all that we feel and holding nothing back- the better we feel and the more lively and happy we become!

And this emotional rebirth- the inner revolution that reconnects us to our body and spirit- restores our capacity for the sexual satisfaction we desire and deserve.

When our sexual energy is flowing freely our sensations can range in intensity from sweet, comforting enjoyment to red-hot ecstasy. When erotic passion blends with the love and affection in our hearts, we are flooded with bliss. At the peak of orgasm we merge- energetically speaking- with our partner, and even with the life-force of the cosmos itself. Is it any wonder, then, that our desire for love and our need for sexual fulfillment are the two most powerful drives in our being?

In order to completely free our sexual happiness we must undo the negative messages we internalized growing up and now repeat- subconsciously- to ourselves. In the exercise below each affirmation you repeat to yourself is carefully designed to "uproot" anti-sexual thoughts and attitudes and replace them with self-loving and pleasure-affirming ones. Through working with this simple exercise over time, you will build up your subconscious voice of validation regarding your sexuality and need for pleasure in general. With frequent repetition you will find that your sense of adventure and sexual enjoyment increases, while your difficulties fade. If you reach a point where improvement ceases, remember that sexual openness depends on overall emotional self-acceptance and aliveness and address that part of the healing process too. Gains in sexual satisfaction will begin improving again as you unsuppress and release blocked emotional energy in other areas- for example, buried anger, fear or sadness.


Stand (or sit if you cannot stand) before a mirror and look into your own eyes. The idea is that the person in the mirror is in need of your complete acceptance and loving support- and that you (as the one speaking) will supply it!
One-by-one, repeat aloud any or all of the following statements. Speak slowly, working with the ones you choose for a few repetitions before moving on to the next. Try to find the place in yourself that truly believes what you are saying, and learn to let passion and expressiveness come into your voice as you speak. The best way to "get into the spirit" is to speak like you are talking to someone you really love (your child, your best friend, your partner etc.) and you very much want them to believe what you are saying! The more sincere, expressive and passionate you are in saying these self-affirming things to yourself, the more your body and subconscious mind will believe them.
Always use your name, or a tender endearment ("Sweety", "Honey" etc.) at the beginning of each statement. This is essential for gaining your subconscious mind's attention and allowing the words to touch your heart:
"(Your name), You completely deserve to feel good."
"(Your name), I love you and want you to be free."
"(Your name), there's no need to feel guilty or ashamed."
"(Your name), I completely accept your desires."
"(Your name), your sexual pleasure is totally positive."
"(Your name), your sexual desires are totally positive."
"(Your name), it's good to let go and lose control."
"(Your name), it's safe to trust your body and let go."
"(Your name), you deserve to be sexually satisfied."
"(Your name), it's good to move and make sound during sex."
"(Your name), I want you to have fun in bed."
-"(Your name), sex is for pleasure, not a performance."
"(Your name), I think your sexuality is beautiful."

If you don't feel 100% enthusiasm for any of these self-affirming statements, recognize that there is room to grow in your self-love and connection to your sexuality. I absolutely guarantee that your happiness will grow as you embrace the goodness and rightness of your sacred sexual self!