Your Parenting Has A lot to do With How You Choose a Partner
Have you ever really thought about what it is that makes us fall into love? Why is someone so irresistible and someone else not? Why are some relationships lacking something, but on the outside look as though everything is fine? Sometimes they can start to fall apart and we don’t understand why.
When a man for example is loved unconditionally by his mother he is able to choose a spouse based on his love and not the lack of it. When a man is not loved by his mother he chooses a partner to fulfill a love he has not yet experienced. A nurturing, giving, kind, form of love that for a time is very fulfilling. As the years go on and the place inside of him is filled with it’s need for motherly love, he will then begin to look outside of the relationship for yet another kind of love. He may likely feel terrible because this person who has loved him has been like a mother to him. Betraying her is the last thing he wants to do, but his constant search of being fulfilled drives him to it. Most often these men do not have the understanding that another type of love will not fulfill him either, soon he will become dissatisfied again. This is because the early love we get from our parents is what enables us to love ourselves.
The importance of loving your children unconditionally can’t be underrated. This early form of love sets the stage for a lifetime. The biggest purpose it serves is the ability to love ones self. When a child does not get this early on they look for it in various other forms. When a child has a solid foundation behind him he can grow up and choose a mate who fulfills him on the emotional level he is currently at and not the emotional level of his childhood.
Women are also affected by this pattern. Women who have not had solid fatherly love will often times marry men who are 20-30 years their seniors. They are looking for the kind of love that makes them feel safe, cared for, and protected. They are not able fulfill their own emotional neediness. How much a person grows in their life will determine how they feel in their relationships. Perhaps a young women marries and older man. For a time she feels very happy, secure, and satisfied. As the years go on she becomes financially independent in her own right and starts to feel more confident. The fatherly love that she was attracted to as a young woman has now shifted and she may feel less happy in her relationship.
Having an awareness of yourself and the love you received as a child, or lack of it, can help you to make better conscious decisions when choosing your life partner. Think about why you feel you are in love with a person. Is it because they take care of you, or is it because being in their company enhances your life?
There are all kinds of different types of relationships and reasons for them, but the best ones are the ones that come when you have gained the wisdom that self love needs to be in place first.
If you were one of the lucky ones who got this from your parents you are likely in a satisfying, fulfilling, relationship. If you are not so lucky, be conscious of what it is that you are looking for in a partner. Pay attention to any emotional needs that you are trying to fill. Take the time to fill those needs for yourself, rather than looking outside yourself for someone else to do it for you.
There is really only one place to look for love and that is inside of yourself, once you have done that you can share it with someone else.