I like consistency and order in my life, so naturally I had a bit of an issue one day when I felt one of my colleagues was handling himself in a terribly inconsistent way.
In the moment when my irritation was at its height, (and believing if he’d just change some things I’d be able to feel better), I almost said something.
I didn’t though. Thankfully that little voice in my head, who has much more wisdom and clarity than my mouth ever has, stopped me by asking, “Kim, How consistent have you been today?”
That made me step back a little. Doing a quick scan of my day I was amazed to see how I too had exhibited my own inconsistencies. Sometimes I did things one way, other times another. On some occasions I was happy to help but later grumbled at the same request. More than once I promised myself I was going to get certain things done, only to put them off again.
Now that I was paying attention, I saw inconsistencies in my thoughts and behaviors, how I responded to others, as well as how I treated myself. Which of course begged of me the same admonishment I was prepared to make to my colleague; why aren’t you being more consistent?
I have no control over my colleague, and he gets to handle his affairs the way he chooses. But I have learned though, that what bothers me about someone else is almost always a mirror for something inside me. Knowing too that my happiness does not lie in changing the behavior of others, but in that of myself, I resolved to exhibit more of my own consistency the rest of the day.
It should be no surprise to know that almost instantly my mood improved. I felt a little more grounded, more secure – as if I knew what was coming next, no surprises. And this of course makes perfect sense. When I know what to expect from myself and can trust my own responses and actions, I know what the next moment is going to feel like. I know what I’m going to do and who I am going to be. Consistently.
As it turns out, I didn’t need him to change anything at all for my day to get better. It was me all along.
Could be the same for you too.
Are you having issue with someone? Do you feel the urge to yell or chastise? What advice or commands would you offer hoping help or improve things? Be honest, and then try turning all of it around to you. You might be surprised at what you find, and even more surprised at how much better you really can feel, without anyone doing anything differently but you!
As always it is my goal to uplift, inspire and help others to heal their lives. Thank you for allowing me to be part of that with you. – Kim