Can I still trust God when I am a victim of injustice?

You might say that seeing confusion as a crucible is an overstatement. Perhaps it is for some people! Perhaps it is in some situations.

For me the crucible experience is gruesome! I placed my trust in God, sought his guidance for my life, and followed his teaching like a good girl – only to discover that I would repeatedly become the victim of injustice.

In 1977 when I graduated a young and ambitious professional woman, I was one who seemed to the world to have everything going for me. I had earned my MBA and was ready to immigrate to Canada. Before I landed in Canada, I went to a three-week conference in Colorado Springs, a conference for Christian international students returning to their home countries. Why on earth did I go to that conference? I was neither Christian nor returning to my home country! The only explanation I could find was that my American mom and dad, Bill and Daisy Baskett, had been praying for me to go.

That conference changed my life. I gave my heart to Jesus Christ and turned the rudder of my life over to Him. There at the conference I also received God’s call to consider the ministry as my career choice.

Threeyears later, after having worked as an accountant for a major corporation in Vancouver, B.C., crunching numbers every day and hating every minute of it, I found myself at Regent College studying for the ministry. There I met my husband, Hervey.

It wasn’t till our daughter was ready to start kindergarten before I proceeded to become an ordained minister. I served two churches in a mainline denomination. Then I persuaded Hervey to move our family to the Northwest with the hope that there would be more opportunities for pastoral positions.

The job search process in this mainline denomination was what got me unglued. It shattered my confidence in hearing God’s voice and knowing God’s direction. You want to know how?

Well, it’s like this. As I applied for these pastoral positions, I was always on the short list of 2-3 candidates. I was always the bridesmaid but never the bride. After having been on this short list numerous times but never selected, I finally had my eyes opened. It was a rude awakening! The hiring committees were just using me to fill the quota because they were required by the regional government of the denomination to consider at least one candidate who was not white and male. I was never taken as a serious candidate!

Yes, this is human failure! It isn’t God’s doing! But this raises thousands of questions about God, my relationship with him, and the church.

If indeed God is all-powerful , why couldn’t he make things happen for me? If he is all-knowing, he must have known ahead of time that this mainline denomination (And most other denominations do not support women in the ordained ministry.) was not ready for a pastoral candidate like me, a woman and an Asian. Then why did he call me to the ministry? And what does this all mean for my relationship with God?

I literally became frightened when I considered my confusion. My faith was at stake. How do I figure this one out?

Then I recall how I was able to come to faith in Christ in the first place.

I grew up in a family with very unhealthy relationships – lots of conflict and injustice. When I went to the conference in Colorado Springs, I carried with me a bitterness against my father, the perpetrator of much injustice and favoritism. Many people have trouble coming to faith in God because they have a painful relationship with their earthly father. They find it hard to trust God as Heavenly Father as a result. I was able to separate God as my Heavenly Father from my earthly father. Mentally separating these two father figures was what empowered me to come to faith in Jesus Christ.

I still don’t have the answers to my questions, but I am willing to sit with those questions and wait for God’s answers.

What might be some experiences that have caused not only emotional pain but also your confusion about God? How have you worked through these feelings? Where are you in your relationship with God? What might be some questions that remain unanswered? How do you feel about unanswered questions?

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