When the subject intermarriage comes up, people in America tend to think of an interracial marriage between blacks and whites. The definition of intermarriage is, therefore, often limited to differentiating skin colors.

Intermarriage has a much deeper and wide-ranging definition. It is the marriage between two individuals who come from two affinity groups with different values, beliefs, languages, and history.

Let me illustrate the point. A Caucasian young man was raised in Japan, speaks fluent Japanese and thinks like the Japanese. When he marries a Caucasian young woman raised in America, his marriage is an intermarriage even though their skin color is the same.

By the same token, an Asian young woman grew up in America's suburbia, mingled with mostly Caucasian kids, and speaks English as her primary language. When she marries a Caucasian American, their marriage may or may not be considered an intermarriage, depending on how much of her parents’ culture of origin influences her values and beliefs.

I was born and raised in Hong Kong by parents who spoke only Chinese. When I came to the United States, I was fluent in English and spoke the language without any foreign accent. Some of the Americans and international students I met in those early years said, “You are the most Americanized foreign student I’ve met.”

While I may talk and walk like an American (usually this means like an Anglo-American), I still carry with me many of the values and beliefs from my culture. Regardless of how Americanized I already was when I married my Caucasian husband, I was still Chinese and so we have an intermarriage.

It is important to be aware of the distinction between an interracial and an intercultural marriage. This distinction helps me develop the cultural awareness needed to build a successful intermarriage.

1.  Are you aware of your own values and beliefs? Are you aware of how these are shaped by your cultural history?

2.  To what extent do you and your spouse share common values, beliefs, history and language?

3.  How do these commonalities, or lack thereof, play into your convictions about marriage, relationships, sharing responsibilities, parenting, and gender roles?

4.  How do these commonalities, or lack thereof, influence your communication with each other?

5.   How might you go about discovering these commonalities? How might you go about pinpointing the differences that create conflict?

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