Traveling to San Francisco in August 2010 is a “déjà vu”. What is significant about this trip is that I am once again traveling to San Francisco by myself.

The first time I landed alone in San Francisco, I was a young graduate student from Hong Kong, wet behind my ears, full of idealism and dreams. That was the first half of the bookends. This solo sojourn to San Francisco, once known as the “Gold Mountain”, a symbol of endless opportunities, now serves as the other half of the bookends.

In between those two bookends are the intervening years of life experiences about which I am writing several books. Those were years of ending singlehood and becoming a wife and mother. They were years of learning, growing, discovering and building -- all born out of experiences of joy as well as pain, bonding as well as separating, and gaining as well as losing.

Now no longer a parent in the conventional sense of the word, since our children are no longer living with us, I found myself anticipating, with apprehension and anxiety, the solo trip to San Francisco. Yes, this is the confession of a new or not-so-new Empty Nester: I had some butterflies in my stomach.

So do I still have the courage to go somewhere by myself like I did the first time I flew from Hong Kong to San Francisco? And who am I apart from my husband and children?

Oh how I hated the fact that those questions even crossed my mind! My mother used to call me the Fearless Flyer – and I was fearless! But where has that Fearless Flyer gone?

In the few days of attending the convention in San Francisco, I learned a few principles for navigating Empty Nesterhood.

1.  Move forward in spite of fear. Be aware of your feelings; acknowledge the emotion and move on. Fear can be a friend or a foe. You're the one who decides what role fear will play.

2.  Step into your new identity. As you begin to craft your new identity as an Empty Nester, you may feel a little bit unsure of who you are and how you might carry yourself. I felt the same way when I arrived in San Francisco. When I began to find my way around the convention, I realized that I must co-create my new identity since I no longer have my children around to define who I am. As long as I am in a holding pattern, I will not be able to find the new “me” and find my new voice.

3.  Reach out. While at the convention I met hundreds of interesting, warm, and welcoming people. Most of them were energetic professionals almost half my age. I did not allow that difference to stop me from making connections. By the time I left the convention, I felt I had expanded my world, broadened my horizons, and enlarged my circle.

4.  Engage and listen. I asked questions and listened. Two of the young professionals I met shared deeply, invited me into the inner sanctuaries of their lives, and requested my counseling. Many of my life experiences came into play as I talk to these young professionals. What I learned through my parenting trials now becomes my teaching tool. Yes, my nest may be empty but my life is filling up again while I engage and listen to others!

5.  Seek out opportunities to serve. While I was at the convention, I sought out the leaders to let them know I was willing and available to serve as a speaker and a mentor. Amazingly, they were also looking for speakers and mentors. Because I have spoken up, the contact had been made and they are now aware of my interest and availability to serve.

What might be some uncomfortable feelings in your role as an Empty Nester?What is your vision of a fulfilling life without children? What could you do to move forward into a more fulfilling life?

Please visit me at www.transitionslifecoaching.org and ask me any question by clicking on the button “Ask Me A Question” on the sidebar.