A: If you've decided to stay in the relationship then perhaps accept the drama or have a good conversation about how each of you would like things to proceed?
S: I'm not accepting drama. Anyway, maybe I'll meet someone at grad school. Lol.
A: Hopes in the future are completely futile. To me, the problem exists in your own thought process and not in that it's hard to find someone. Finding someone is the answer to the problem created by the thought process. But the problem is actually in the process of thought itself.
S: That's so true. I guess there is comfort of the mind when I think about the fake future. What should I do?
A: There's nothing you can 'do'. That's the problem. The mind is full of thoughts of what to 'do' to make you feel better. Just watch the thought process each moment that you can. Watch how your thoughts are escaping to the future, which doesn't exist. No amount of escaping will create what you want to happen. And even if it remotely does, when you get 'there' you won't know it because your mind's thought process will be busy creating new images of the future to escape to.
S: That's true. I'm not sure that I like being single you know. But the drama is almost worse.
A: But why not understand what is beyond the duality of single versus not single? That is not fundamental. To awaken, go deeper.
S: And explore my own sense of loneliness?
A: Yes. Why you need someone to fill a hole you feel inside.
S: Ya I wonder what that's about.
A: Your mind and your thoughts create the loneliness do they not?
A: If there were not thoughts of how you feel lonely, would there be loneliness?
A: If you watch those thoughts, with awareness, they dissipate until there disappear. Then where is the loneliness? You're trying to escape loneliness, which is creating it, perpetuating it. Stay with the fact of loneliness, without escaping, without creating how you think you will stop the loneliness. The external can't fill the holes of the internal.
S: Ya, and at that rate, nothing will fill the void.
A: Has anything filled that persistent void so far?
A: The void filling mechanism is the mind. It creates the thought of how there is a void, then creates the thought of the solution to the void. It's like a dog chasing its tail.
S: So really there's no void?
A: There would be no problem if you didn't think it's a problem. Then, you think you know the solution. But the minds job is to create problems. It is conflict itself. And that conflict creates the feeling of 'I'. In moments of no conflict, the 'I' does not exist. The mind is the 'I' and thoughts create and sustain this sense of 'I' through conflict. It then tries to find comfort and security in escaping the conflict and avoiding what-is.
S: Sigh. I want to be like you when I grow up. Lol.
A: You are like me. You just think your not. We are fundamentally the same but different in mind, thought and conditioning, which is all false.
S: Our talk the other day did something to me. It's shifted me.
A: Ya? How so?
S: I feel more detached from the drama. Less involved. I'm not willing to participate.
A: Are you watching or detaching? Because detaching by trying to detach is still trying, effort, thinking. Watching is effortless and beyond the duality of attaching and purposely detaching.
S: No it just happened without me setting out to do it.
A: Ok it just happened. Just happening is beyond time, trying, effort, and cultivating. Beyond duality. If it just happens, it's beyond the 'I' created by the mind.
S: Ya, it feels like it happened without me setting out to do it or thinking about it.
S: This is really helping me.
A: Just pointing out the false as false.