Insanity in the Full Moon Light
By Alethia Hallador
Published on 07/27/2010
Yesterday I felt insane. Turns out it was a full moon. I couldn't stop eating. Why do I talk about the past?

Yesterday I felt insane.  Turns out it was a full moon.  I couldn't stop eating.  Why do I talk about the past?  Why am I mentioning what happened yesterday, what I remember.  Do I want to keep a record?  Do I want to analyze the past, what happened yesterday, as a means of improving upon today?  Can today be improved upon by thinking about yesterday?  It seems it only keeps the whole mess going. 

The key isn't in analyzing what happened yesterday, today, but by allowing whatever to unfold in the now, in absolute awareness.  This allows for the awareness of what is, instead of what was.  Instead of sitting here and analyzing what happened yesterday, I can just allow whatever.  In this instance, the whatever is the realization that there is a desire to think about the past, about what happened yesterday, to aid with today. 

Yesterday cannot help with today.  There doesn't have to be continuity.  The continuity only creates suffering and guilt.  Guilt for what happened and suffering for what should have been instead.  On further inspection, this type of analysis is on the the further propagation of the insanity and suffering.  By condemning yesterday, I suffer today.  Yesterday only exists as a memory in the mind.  Other than that, it has no real existence.  If I condemn yesterday as bad, I keep yesterday alive.  With that image of 'bad' in mind, I then hope to improve upon it today.  I hope to be good today.  So today is a constant struggle.  I have an idea of what it is to be good, and I try to live up to it.  All this is resistance, struggle, and effort which keeps the entire thing going. 

What if I just watch whatever is going on in my mind, without getting involved.  I can passively watch without judging, justifying or condemning it.  I  allow whatever content to surface in each now-moment and as a result, the content loosens its grip.  After all, it has no basis in reality.  My mind makes it a reality for me when I get involved, when I identify myself with the content.  When I watch, witness, observe, as awareness, as consciousness, there is space which allows 'what-is' to be.