Why do we become so upset and feel so angry when others make unreasonable requests of us? 

A back office nurse once told me that a former patient had called wanting to be worked into the doctors’ schedule.   Though she had previously moved out of state, she was going to be in town in 2 days and wanted to come in for a routine exam.   She’d already been told the schedule was full that day, but was wondering if they could squeeze her in anyway.   She would only be available in the afternoon, and by the way, she would be paying cash, so wanted a discount too. 

“Why do people expect us to bend over backwards just because it’s convenient for them, when it’s not convenient for us at all?” she complained angrily.

“Well, I suppose it never hurts to ask” I said, “You can always say no.”

And that’s the problem. Most of us don’t know how to say no. We are such pleasers. We are so concerned with what the other thinks of us that we ‘bend over backwards’ to meet their expectations, even when those expectations are unrealistic.  Situations like this leave us feeling like victims because it feels our only option is to give in and allow ourselves to be taken advantage of, just to make someone else happy. It’s a very disempowering place to be.

It is very important for each of us to be able to establish healthy borders and boundaries. And we also have the right to protect those boundaries, regardless of what someone else thinks we should do. If you make it your goal to do what is in your best interest, never again will you feel like a victim, because you will be making choices based on what you want, not what someone else expects of you.

Sometimes it’s hard to say no, especially when it’s your family or your livelihood, but every time you make a choice to make someone else happy, you are essentially saying their needs are more important than your own. Is that really true? Is it really so important to please them that we end the day crying, frustrated or angry? 

Give yourself permission to put your needs first.   It really is ok to take care of yourself and to want your own health, happiness and wellbeing to be a priority. And as you’re not responsible for them, it’s also ok to let others do the same. Find your own voice, then use it.

As frightening as it may feel, give it a try. Just once today let go of your guilt or fear and stand your ground. Say no when you would normally give in, and see how that feels.  Empower yourself! It’s ok to take care of yourself and your needs.  You may be surprised at how amazing it can feel.

And when you do, please share.   I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences.