So, he is leaving on Wednesday. Do I cry because I'm sad or because I'm mad?

Sometimes, I believe I am not allowed the luxury to feel mad and end up feeling guilty that I am left feeling angry. Here is the thing. He is serving his country and being deployed on Tuesday. I am not angry about that. In fact, I am very proud of him and support his decision to reenlist as a Seabee. This is a part of who he is and this is the man I fell in love with. And, of course I feel sad that he is leaving because I love him very much and I already miss him terribly. I can't hold back my tears as I write this. I miss him so much...  

Did you notice the part where I mention he reenlisted. When he decided to reenlist he knew that he would be going to Afghanastan or Iraq this year. I am not angry about that either. I believe it takes a lot of guts to reenlist when you know you will be sent to either of these countries.  I'm sure this seems so romantic....stuff made for movies.  Except, this is not a movie. This is not romantic.  This is hell for me.

At this point, or more likely before this point, you are asking yourself "what is this woman so mad about?"  Of course it is about five in the morning. And, yes, I have been losing sleep over what has been bugging me so much. But, now I am so tired. Thank you for "listening" to me and I will pick up where I left off.
 
No. Actually, I  will back up to what happened to upset me so much prior to him deploying.

Good night,
Courtney