“There’s only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that’s your own self.” Alex Huxley

In figuring out where you're going in life, it is critical that you know how to relate to your “self”. This sounds almost like narcissism, doesn't it? No, I would rather call it an out-of- body experience.

Let me explain what this means. In order to map out the direction of your life, you must know this vehicle you're driving: the beliefs about yourself, your internal dialogue, your self-control or lack thereof, and your ability to lead yourself. For the short moment you spend reading this article, I invite you to imagine yourself being a student. Your job is to study your “self”. With notepad and pen in hand, you are going to step outside of your body and closely observe your “self”. As you study, you will note down all the observations in the following areas of your “self”.

1.Self- image. What is your ultimate reference point for self esteem and self worth? In other words, when you feel good about yourself, what is the authority that makes you feel good about yourself? I believe I should feel good about myself because I know that God loves me so much that his son Jesus Christ gave his life to save me and make me a new person. This is my source of authority for feeling good about myself. What is yours?

2.Self-talk. When you quiet down (or when you don’t quiet down), what kinds of things do you say to yourself? Do you say things like “Why am I so stupid?”, “I can't do it!”, “I can never do anything right!”, or “I'm a good for nothing!”... Being a perfectionist, for years I have been in the habit of saying these things to myself. It did not matter how many degrees I had, how much money I made, how big of a house I owned, or how popular I was, I just never seemed to hit the mark of perfection. When our children were entering adolescence and young adulthood, I woke up to the importance of positive speech. I began to pay attention to the tape that I played in my head. I noticed I was in the habit of saying to my children the negative things I said about myself inside my head. With this awakening, I began to visualize myself as someone getting one step closer to perfection each day rather than as someone who is constantly missing the mark of perfection. This empowers me to begin having a positive internal dialogue within me, speaking blessings and affirmations into other people’s lives, and having a positive direction for my life in general.

3.Self-discipline. Abraham Joshua Heschel said, ”Self-respect is the fruit of discipline; the sense of dignity grows with the ability to say no to oneself.” The relationship between self-discipline and self-respect is a direct cause-and-effect relationship: self-discipline is the mother that births the child's self-respect. There is a sense in which I have both the mother and the child within me. Sometimes I feel very self indulgent; I want to do whatever whenever, regardless of the consequences. The disciplinarian-mother within me has to win all the time so the child will earn the self-respect and continue to fill that tank of self-respect. I try to picture myself being the strong and firm mother telling the child “No” when the child is about to do something to take me down a life path that is not positive and constructive.

4.Self-leadership. To lead yourself is to believe that you have a destination to get to. I believe that I am created for a purpose; I believe I have a calling to fulfill in this world and in this life. For this reason I can motivate myself to move forward toward that destination every day. This purpose and calling are not really about me; they are about fulfilling the mission of the Creator who brought this universe into being. This sense of purpose is the fuel that keeps my engine fired up every morning.

As you think about your life direction, what might be some areas you need to work on? How might you go about working on these areas? What ideas could you share with others to help them with their lfie journey?