Recently I reconnected with a friend, Richard, who I have not seen for almost 10 years. I discovered that he has not found work since he finished his two-year contract almost 8 years ago. When he opened the door for me, my instinct told me he has been and still is going through a depression.

As I reflected on my time with Richard, I recall that my brother Tommy has also been going through a depression for quite a few years because his work has not been successful in the eyes of the world. He was very introspective and into himself when I met with him.

Then my mind also goes to a friend, Daniel, who has been repeatedly laid off from work over the last 10 years. When he was recently laid off because of the economic downturn, I offered to coach him as a professional life coach. His answer was: “I don't have time for coaching.”

I would not be quick to judge these men because our culture tells men to find their identity through work. Somehow our culture is a little more forgiving of women who are not gainfully employed. However, I see a common thread in these men: they all isolate themselves.

I am not suggesting that they don't have friends because they do. Their unemployment causes them to feel ashamed so they do not feel motivated to connect with community in a deep and supportive way.

Then I am also reminded of another friend by the name Charlie. When his company was closed due to business failure, he was a high level executive. After he lost this job, he became unemployed for several years. During this time he also had some health challenges. Throughout those years, he stay connected to community by doing a lot of volunteer work in a leadership role. He also exercised his creativity to find some consulting work. After being unemployed for almost 3 years, he finally landed on the job as the chief of staff in a city government agency.

You see where I'm going? When life disappoints us, that's the time when we want the least to connect with other people; yet that is also the time when we need the most to connect with community.

When you are disappointed with life, what is your tendency: to connect or to isolate? When you feel beaten down by life, how can you connect with community in a more meaningful way that nurtures your soul? If you have found ways to connect with community that help you move through difficult times, would you share with us?

Please visit me at www.theresaipfroehlich.com