I grew up believing “where there is a will, there is a way”. In so many ways my earlier life experiences have proved this to be true. But only up to a certain point!

Ever since I was a young child I knew I had to fend for myself. My family was poor and education was not free in my country. From a very young age, I knew that the choices before me were to pursue higher education or to do menial work in the factories in Hong Kong. I also knew that if I did not apply myself, I would be doomed to take the second option which, to me, was not an option at all. In fact, visualizing myself working 12-hour days in the factories was enough to motivate me to do well in school.

Between hard work and opportunities given to me, I was able to complete two masters degrees, one of which was obtained in the United States.

Armed with the belief “where there is a will, there is a way”, I as a married woman carried on with life the same way as I had. Then life's surprises showed up at my door about 10 years ago. Despite my impressive credentials, I was unable to find a pastoral position. Two years later, it became necessary for me to manage my children's education. Homeschooling was more than a full time job; my hopes for serving as a pastor had to go to the back burner. Another three years went by, our adolescent children were beginning to demand autonomy without responsibility. I was busy putting out fires at home through these years, without any energy left for myself. During these 8 to 10 years, my body also began to break down with numerous health challenges, including cancer.

Life's disappointments have a way of shattering not only our dreams but also our sense of direction and identity. Even as I write about it now, I continue to feel the grief. After processing for two years the grief that comes from these disappointments, I am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. My belief in “Where there is a will, there is a way” has not changed; it has taken on a different flavor because I now have new eyes. Here are several key lessons I have learned about moving through life’s disappointments.

·The journey of life is not primarily about achievements and accomplishments. The disappointments I have to accept forced me to re-define success. My new definition of success empowers me to pay more attention to the kind of person I am becoming. There is a sense in which our Creator has a vision for who we will become; our life experiences, including disappointments, are the tools that shape us toward that vision.

·The journey of life is about relationships. The disappointments and unfulfilled dreams are the powerful and impactful experiences that force us to re-shape the way we relate to God, to the world, to the community around us, and even to myself. Life's disappointments, therefore, serve an even bigger purpose than academic, professional and financial accomplishments.

·Life's disappointments need not humiliate us as long as we are humble enough to learn the lessons from them. When my eyes are fixed on that target I miss, I see only failure. If I turn my eyes to see the transformation that takes place within me, I am accomplishing a different kind of mission.

What have been some of the significant disappointments in your life? How have these disappointments impacted you and those closest to you? How did you move through these disappointments? What are some pointers you can share with us?

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