Hurt at home. Why? A must-read for men.
By Suzanne Perry
Published on 01/27/2010
It is a sensitive subject. It is a real subject, and it hurts. It's domestic violence, family and spousal abuse. What may shock you is that men are abused almost as much as women are

It is a sensitive subject. It is a real subject, and it hurts. It's domestic violence, family and spousal abuse. I have a constant stream on communication with people and it's bone-chilling how prevalent it is. What may shock you is that men are abused almost as much as women are. Here are my findings of fact by personal interviews. I do not seek agreement or argument.


Many women were or are raised the old-fashioned way: believing they are inferior to men. Women were not allowed to vote, or be in the workforce. Women were conditioned to be the caretakers, the housekeepers, the nurturers.  The woman's job was to cater to her man, regardless of her own needs. The woman of yesterday had to raise 13 kids while the husband fought a war, worked in a factory, or was at the saloon. The woman was always the glue, and was treated with little respect. The woman was to remain silent and was not allowed to voice her opinion or object. She was trained to be a wallflower without character, dependent on her man to survive. An on-demand slave, to be extreme.


By this old-fashioned standard, children were raised by the same theory. "Seen and not heard." Children had to work, hard, on the farm, or caring for 12 siblings. Never was it acceptable for a child to question a task assigned by their father. It was ok to strike a child for misbehavior. Teachers struck children in the classroom with a wooden ruler (among other items). Never disgrace your family or it was the belt.


The family unit dressed in their Sunday best because they were going to church.


Divorce was taboo, as was an unwed mother.


Times have changed. 


Monsters were created.


Often times, the children who have been the subject of humiliation by their parents grow up to hate and seek revenge against authority. The parents who thought they were doing the right thing by insisting their child was not good enough, and must do better never have actually reared a child who will wander, seeking acceptance that was never received at home. Some may have been pushed to the point of running away. Some may have turned to drugs or other negative lifestyles to escape their feelings. Some go to the point of no return and commit suicide or murder.


Women who carry the complex, whether it was being told they weren't good enough, or for other reasons are unhappy with their own selves, become monsters in a relationship and end up abusing their partners.


For most abusers, the feeling of controlling another energizes them. They will do whatever it takes to get a reaction, unfortunately they do it negatively. They mentally exhaust their partners by constant bellowing scathing insults; insisting their partner is not good enough, is a failure, is worthless. Over time, the victim is reduced to the significance of an amoeba.


As a society, we generalize that men are a burly, steadfast Tarzan. Men have feelings, too. Women are categorized as being over-sensitive when in fact oftentimes are cantankerous, vindictive beasts in the way they treat their partner. It's no laughing matter. It's true, it's real and it's wrong. Men are purported to be the tougher, stronger sex and assumed can't be subject of such torture. Nothing could be further than the truth.


What gives anyone the right to belittle or humiliate another? They take it upon theirself to be a bully. It's not okay. Get out of the relationship. You are not going to change this person because that insecurity is at the core level. Those that have lived through it will attest. Their ex partner is doing the same thing to someone else.


In an abusive relationship, there is nothing the victim can do to please their partner. And they begin to doubt their own character and worth. It's a horrible position to be in. Constantly being henpecked, insulted, even stricken by hands, feet or objects is all abuse that nobody should accept or tolerate. We stay either because we are threatened of consequences or feel we can change the person. Over time victims become isolated and depressed.


It is very hard for victims to understand that it's not their fault. The first support I offer is to say over and over, they do NOT deserve it and it's not their fault. It is healthy to talk to a warrior from the same battle.


I believe I have been subject of every abuse by one evil creature in order to help those in an abusive relationship today, or to help those that were and want someone to talk to.


It's never ok to be hit or ridiculed.


We are all worthy of love. We can give til it hurts but should never be hurt by those we give it to.


Treat others the way you want to be treated, that is one old-fashioned theory that should never, ever be compromised.